Pain in My Head

welcomeplease browse the exhibition

pain
in my head
though I’m no longer sure if the pain in my head is the pain from within or pain from bashing
my head against the wall to try to stop the pain from within

pain

must
make
it
stop

tears have long since dried on my face
too much crying blocked my nose and sinuses making the pain
in my head worse

pain
in my head

my brain tells me I should call somebody
but who
it’s two in the morning

my parents will be asleep and they have work tomorrow and I
was never their favourite anyway

if I call my lover his wife will answer and there’ll be
trouble
and pain
more pain

pain
in my head

so I drink
and drink a bit more
and open another bottle

there’s not much point using a glass as there’s nobody here
to see me and a glass would spill when I bashed
my head against the wall to try to stop the
pain in my head

perhaps another drink will stop the pain

pain
in my head

and I gather together all the pills in the flat
and arrange them in little piles on my bed

even the vitamins
although I’m not sure how effective the vitamins will be

I’m not sure how effective any of this will be since I’m
new to this game and I hadn’t planned for the
night to turn out like this

I just want to stop the pain
in my head

so I start to swallow the pills with mouthfuls of drink

seeking

oblivion

and release

from the terrible terrible pain

pain

in

my

head

Advertisements

7 Responses to Pain in My Head

  1. DJ Young says:

    ‘my brain tells me I should call somebody
    but who
    it’s two in the morning’

    One thing that always strikes me is the sameness and the difference of those suffering from depression/anxiety – I’ve been in that room, in the dark, too – and all those feelings of unworthiness that overwhelm and seem so honest. Nothing is more honest than that. Everything else seems false. Love how you see through it.

  2. John Freeman says:

    Perfectly expressed. I’ve been in that dark, lonely place. I hope you are getting help. It sounds like you need it!

  3. John Freeman says:

    does anybody know the author of this?

    • danholloway says:

      John, as I’m sure you can appreciate I made sure I offered anonymity to everyone who participated in this project. I have passed on your previous message though, with thanks.

  4. John Freeman says:

    Dan, of course, I appreciate that. Was just touched by the raw emotion. Cut straight through me.

    • Dan Holloway says:

      thank you :). I had thought also that you may be worried for the person’s health. Whilst there have been plenty of ups and downs, I am delighted to say that everyone who was involved in this is doing pretty OK at the moment, and several are continuing to work with me on new creaive ventures.

  5. John Freeman says:

    …it’s always concerning when someone is suffering to this extent with mental health problems. I was slightly concerned but then saw it has written some time ago! Your reassurance is appreciated though. I’m not familiar with creative writing so I wasn’t sure how much of it was ‘creative’ or, with the greatest of respect, real. (for the want of a better expression!). I hope she’s ok now though.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s